The Three Pillars of Love
written by Jacqueline Hellyer
It's February, the month of Valentine, the month for lovers!
I was honoured to give the reading at a friends’ wedding on the weekend. They’d chosen a reading they liked, but wanted it ‘sexed up a bit’ - and who better to ask? Like most wedding readings it was beautiful and poetic and spoke all about love and commitment and sharing and respecting, all good and important aspects of marriage - but nothing about sex and intimacy. As my friends rightly said: “It’s our sexual connection that brought us together and it’s what makes our relationship unique - so we want that celebrated in our wedding ceremony too!”
So, in the reading, I pointed out that a marriage (or any long-term relationship) is built on the three pillars of being: friends, partners and lovers. You need all three in a strong, meaningful and fulfilling relationship.
Being friends means just that: enjoying each other’s company, sharing conversation and activities, and generally being good companions.
Being partners means being teammates in the game of life: being able to successfully run your household and family, managing the logistical parts of life.
Being lovers means never taking eachother for granted, never slipping into complacency. It’s about maintaining a passion and desire for eachother throughout the years, and having a quality life-enhancing sex life, whatever your age.
When you’ve got all three, you’ve got a great relationship. Many relationships fall down in one or more areas:
- my own marriage was strong in the partnership and lovers area, but we were never good enough friends for it to last;
- there are plenty of cases of couples with friendship and passion, but just can’t manage the logistics (especially when drugs, alcohol, gambling is involved);
- and certainly what I see most commonly in my practice, is couples where the lovers side of things is wavering or disappeared.
You need to work on all three aspects of your relationship and keep the balance. Then you can enjoy the companionship of friends, manage the logistics of life as partners and feel the pleasure of lovers.
If you aren't in Sydney, but would love to chat to Jacqueline, she offers her services world-wide. In fact, people search out from across to world to have appointments with Jacqueline.
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